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An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.:)

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?':):)

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.' :):):)

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?' :D

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse..'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
:):)

And One more. . ..!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

:D

ترجمي لي دي يا روز:D

ابيييت

وحات ريدتك لي كان ما ترجمتيها:D

وحاتك انت دا
ابيييت

ياخ دا مزاج الليلة عجيب يا ميري:)
وحلاة الروقة فيك

أها أنجهونا:D

دبل جي و اميري

ارفعوا ايديكم عننا


دا تميز ضدنا عديييل كدا







--------

انتو البلد دي ما فيها صعايدة ..
ولا مساطيل طيب!؟:D

قلتو لي من انتم!؟:p

اجمل الحلوين
ياخ انت بتمشي وين:)

سؤال مهم







-------

بس لو ذكرتيني ..

انا ذاتو منو!؟
http://www.sudaneseonline.com/db/attention/200_4e.gif
http://www.sudaneseonline.com/db/attention/200_4e.gif

يا اميرى
ما تبقى لخبات ساى
البت دايرة مجدى looool;)

اياك يا ام التيمان تقلبي الميم واو:p
خليك في مجدي دا:)


انتي مجدي دا منو:)

صباحك شذي الازهار

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

يا ريت من أول وريتنا إنك يمكن تتأخر يوم
كان غايتو اطمنا شوية
وبحرك ياليل ما طفّنا نجوم
بيقولوا الغائب عزرو معاه
وفي غيابك يا ما نشيل اللوم
‎:L

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

سودان الإنقاص بيطوع الهزبر
وبروق الإعصار
:(

مش بالله كويس المشآ هناك.
أهو لرب ضارة نفع
:eek::eek:

اميري دا مابطوعوا الا مطوعين السعودية
صباح النور عليك ياود بدري

TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
:)HAROLD : A teacher

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."

Student: I is the ...

Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A: "I was born in California."
B: "Which part?"
A: "All of me."

The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?

The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.

كان آلان، وهو ميكانيكي ، يعمل في إزالة الاسطوانة من دراجة نارية هارلي ديفيدسون، عندما رصد جراح القلب الشهير عالميا في مرآب منزله. كان جراح القلب في انتظار مدير الخدمة ليأتي وإلقاء نظرة على دراجته.

صاح ألان عبر المرآب ، "يمكن يا دوك أن أسألك سؤالا؟ مشى الجراح الشهير ، فوجئ قليلا، ألان مسح يديه على قطعة قماش، وتساءل : أنا أيضا يمكن أن أفتح القلوب، و صيانة الصمامات بها ، و وضع صمامات جديدة، وعندما أنتهي من هذا ستعمل تماما مثل واحد جديد. نحن الاثنين عمليا نؤدى نفس العمل و نبذل جهدا متساويا فكيف اعمل مقابل أجر زهيد و تحصل انت على المال الوفير ، عندما كنت و أنا في الأساس نقوم بنفس العمل؟

توقف الجراح وابتسم وانحنى و همس في أذن ألان،
" حاول فعل ذلك مع تشغيل المحرك"

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
Teacher:" Of course not."
Student: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."

اسع الزول يقوم يضحك ليكون بالانجليزى ولا العربى
وجعتو راسنا بالترجمة :D

بالله شغالة اترجم وبعد ساعة اضحك ....خلاص اقول ليكوم نكتة بالعربى انتو قومو ترجموها لى سمح ؟

الصباح الباهي لونك:cool: وبث:D:D:D